Today was my breakdown day.

I woke up super early again!
My husband was sweet and got me some breakfast. A venti hot chocolate and a piece of banana nut bread. I know he was trying to be nice but that isn’t really helping me
So this morning I was supposed to get my tax returns for both state and fed and neither one was deposited to my account. Which sucks! When it comes in, I get to spend 500 bucks on myself. I never buy anything for myself. We have been so broke for the last two years that I just go without when it comes to getting new clothes and such. Currently I only have 5 work shirts that fit that I have been rotating each week. And I only have 1 pair of work pants that fit too. But when we don’t even have enough money for food and such, it seems pretty stupid to worry about clothes.
So my lunch today was clam corn chowder, very warm and then my afternoon snack was a garden salad.
Also today I have had a migraine all day! My whole head is killing. It was so bad that i ended up crying the whole drive home from work. I just tired of working my butt off with no results and no money. I feel unattractive and ugly (I know two words that mean the same thing, just let me get it off my cheast!) and underappreciated when it comes to my family. I just feel like nothing can ever go right
So when I got home I went straight to my bedroom and tried to crawl under my covers. I was really upset with the way my day was going and the last thing I wanted to do was start a fight with my husband, but of course because he is a great guy, he came in to check on me and we started to fight. Which was just what I needed to top my day.
Then we went out to the living room and I found that he got me a present for valentines day. A coke and some candy. URGGGG!!! I mean it was really sweet but I am not drinking soda and eating candy right now I am trying to be good but today just isn’t my day. So after another fight. (do we see why today is such a crappy day? Did I mention that I have a killer migraine?) I ended up drinking it and eating my Cadbury eggs. I gave up trying to give a crap about myself.

If I had my money right now the first things I would do would be:
Try and do little things to make myself feel pretty (i.e. get my highlights done, get my nails done)
Go clothes shopping. So tired am i of naming my shirts the day of the week and only wearing them on their assigned name. I want variety!!!!!!
Get out of the house! I swear to god, I go to work and I come home. On the weekends I never go anywhere or do anything and I am sick of it!
Okay I am done venting, so my dinner is burger king, we still don’t have a kitchen sink because we still need to replace the disposal and the leaking pipes underneath and we still don’t have any money. I am just so frustrated with everything in my life!
Thanks for putting up with me!
The fat girl giving up today

candy is to fat people as is a moth to a flame

So for starters, Sorry about the lack of a blog last night. We were going to have a nice belated valentine’s day dinner that turned in to ordering a pizza. Nothing to note of yesterday, the same as usual, yogurt for breakfast, snack plate for morning snack, salad and yogurt for lunch, another salad for afternoon snack and then ruined it with eating pizza.



I started off so good today.



My breakfast was an apple. Just an apple and it was filling and great.



Until about 10 am when I went to the upstairs break room to get some ice water. And then on the table do you what was there? A big ole bag of candy and Oreos. How do you pass up Oreos and candy? If I was Hansel or Gretel (forgot which one was the girl, the both sound girly to be honest though) I would be roasted in the oven. Isn’t that terrible. I don’t know why I don’t have will power over that crap. And I feel so guilty. Its just anti productive.



So new rules!

ABSOLUTLY NO SODA. Don’t give a crap if it is diet, regular or caffeine free. There are no special events coming up with in the next week so I should be okay. Just water and iced tea.

After today, NO CANDY. No chocolate, mike and ikes, None of it.



Only healthy meals with some sort of salad or veggies.



Do SOMETHING When I get home, even if it just folding the laundry, I need to start getting more active!



I am tired of living like this and the only way it’s going to change is if I make the changes, and it’s clear that half assing it is NOT working. Time for Mean Ass hard core April to come out and Play and kick my own butt.

I am making some headway

I had a yogurt for lunch and then waited until almost 3 before eating my salad. I was in a meeting right after lunch and my director asked me if I wanted a piece of candy and I was able to say no thank you. see headway. :D

Now I just got to make it to dinner. I only have 45 minutes left at work before I am off for the day. Hopefully I can make it. Fingers crossed. :D

At Dinner, I blew it. well at first i got some exercise because we went window shopping (josh was trying to find me something for valentines day) then we went to get dinner. not just any dinner, panda express. i have a weakness for thier honey walnut shrimp. i love shrimp. i went to england when i was 12 and all i ate was shrimp. i love it. its my fav! so i had a 2 entree plate of honey walnut shrimp and steamed rice.

i am thinking about starting to use ALLI to help me in my dieting, I know that the side effects are not great, but i do know that it is helpful. i will let you know

thanks for reading,
the fat girl trying

the day after valentines

So for starters, sorry I didn’t post my blog last night, I was so tired and I was having “Discussions” with my husband and just totally forgot about it until I was at work this morning.



So today I am doing swell, woke up at 4:45 because I went to bed to early (Barely 9:00) for breakfast I had a package of Donettes (the chocolate ones) I would have stopped for yogurt from starbucks on my way in but I was running late. I did take a shower though, so at least I didn’t spend my whole morning on facebook like I normally do.



My lunch today was salads both fruit and garden, seprate of course.



So far my day is going well. Currently somebody here burned their popcorn. (EWWWW! One of the grossest smells EVER!!!!!) And I have been running around doing all sorts of stuff. One of my mangers is out today (stupid Jury duty) and so since shes out I am picking up some of the slack. So I am not getting my dutys done. Currently I have a to do list that is at least 3 pages long! CRAZY!



So I am getting sick and tired of not having any energy when I get home from work, so I am making a daily chore to-do lists, not with a bunch of stuff just something that can keep me active for about 30-45 minutes. (I love to do lists! They make life so much easier and I love to cross stuff off!)

my list for today is the following:

Clean off the kitchen table

Clean the Bathroom

Vacuum the Living Room



Dinner tonight should be Chili tot casserole. Yummy yummy!

i am going to get started on my "to-do" list right now

Thanks for reading!
The Fat Girl Trying

heres the blog for Valentines Day.

Hello Readers,



Happy Valentine’s day to one and all. Valentine’s day, like Christmas and Thanksgiving, is the worst day for dieters. Want to know why? Because, everyone puts candy everywhere and the place where I work, decided to have fondue this afternoon. How can you say no to fondue. Its freaking evil. Stupid chocolate!



You want to know what’s worse for a diet than Fondue, valentine’s day, Christmas and Thanksgiving? Freaking Girl Scouts and their cookies! I went to a party in which I planned to be good, not even eat any cake, but who shows up 5 minutes after me the freaking girl scouts. There so cute with their green sash and bright big smile, you can’t say no to them. I thought I was gonna make it and not buy anything but then my mom gives me 10 bucks to buy us cookies. Of course you know that was my breakfast the next day. Freakin Crack Girl Scout cookies!



So that was the weekend and most of the day. I was able to sleep in until almost 6 because my mom has my puppy and he is waking her up instead of me. My breakfast was the dark cherry yogurt parfait from Starbucks followed by the kids snack plate when 10 am rolled around. I had the catering company’s yogurt parfait and a side salad for lunch. So freaking yummy! (see how good I was) then the fondue. Holy crap! They had 3 kinds of chocolate and caramel and everything that you would want to dip including Oreos and huge strawberries. It’s just not fair! But today is just another day. I do know that I will be good tonight because we can’t make anything because my sink is completely broken and I can t use it all. And of course all of my dishes and pots and pans are completely gross. Stupid ironic timing. So we are having frozen food until Wednesday, when I get paid and can fix the sink.



So tonight’s dinner is going to be either lasagna or enchiladas. Whoo hoo how romantic. :P (not really)



And to make matters even worse, I had a nightmare last night that my husband was cheating on me. It was so vivid and terrible. The only good thing was that he was really buffed in my dream.



So there it is, there’s my weekend update how my valentine’s day is going. It sucks! No presents because were so broke, no surprises. To be honest, I am just grateful that Josh is alive and okay. Don’t know what I would without him, especially now that we have been a couple 13 years today.



I love you baby! (dream cheating bastard! J )



Love to all,

The fat girl trying!

Day 4 and having the crapiest day!

So here we are again.



Today woke up at 5 again. Man I hate this little habit.



Didn’t do crap, I grabbed a yogurt for breakfast and a couple of apples and some peanut butter for my snacks.



Work isn’t going that well today, normally I love my job, today it’s not so fun. I made an error yesterday and instead of telling me privately, one of my 3 PM’s (project managers) decided to hold a meeting and bring it up in front of god and everybody. I mean crap, nice way to treat people. If someone makes an error and I notice it, before I jump on my soapbox, I email them to make sure what I am seeing is correct. If it isn’t then I’ll try and figure stuff out and try and fix it. It just upsets me a little bit, but I think most of that is just from simple sleep deprivation!



Today’s lunch was chicken mole’ soup, (mole’,mole’,mole’) and a small salad.



I am so freaking tired. Oh yeah I weighed myself this morning, (another reason I am having a crappy day) I currently weigh 383. So I need to get down to 373 for my goal of losing 10 pounds this month.



Which is not impossible, I plan on going for bike rides this weekend (and not passing out, like Sunday) and I have been eating so much healthier. I am having a salad at least once a day (or a form of veggies) eating mostly poultry



Okay so now I am mad. There was free food in the lunch room including salad and pasta. But I was good and only grabbed a cookie :D (old habits die hard) oh and a diet dr pepper. Like I said. Old habbits



And my new glasses were supposed to be in today and they were delayed again so I wont get them until probably Saturday.



Oh well



Well im starting to feel better now, sometimes you just have to talk shit out. Ya know.

dinner was lasanga and i didnt eat that much of it. my husband was hit by a car on his bike ride home from work. now i am just so worried about everything that happened there is no way i will be able to sleep tonight.

i will keep you posted
=the fat girl trying

day 3 and all is well!

So let’s get to the point.



1. Do not make fun of or mimic the universe because it will always come to bite you on the butt.

a. Case in point, Yesterday I said that there was a rule about me not sleeping in past 5:30, well today I woke up at 4:45. All I can say is WTF

2. I kinda fell off of my diet a bit this morning,

a. Let me explain, so I needed to stop and get cash from the ATM in the 7-11 by work so I could by lunch today because today is another one of those, eat if you’re lucky kinda days. So right next door is a Starbucks. I hopped in to get a dark cherry yogurt parfait (so yummy) and a kids snack plate (which I save to eat until about 10 as my morning snack.) and then I saw it, my weakness, my kryptonite if you will. Banana Nut Bread. Now I don’t know what they do to their bread to make it so addictive but before I could stop myself I bought a piece and had it with my yogurt for breakfast.

3. Like I said, today is crazy meeting day (almost as bad as Fridays and Mondays) so I am going to be good and get some salad and a soup.

Lunch was great! I had some chicken and something i cant remember soup and a salad with some walnuts. super yummy.

i didnt get a chance to have an afternoon snack but when i got home i made tacos.

white corn tortitas and beans and chili and ground beef, topped with cheese, onion and a slice of avacado on top.

My problem with the home made tacos is that i always eat like 8. i mean if i get tacos from tacobell, i only eat like 3. i mean my tacos are like crack.

anyways once agian i feel asleep before i could post so i am a day late.

so here it is.

thanks for reading,

fat girl trying

So here we are, 2 days in a row, Woo hoo!

So I guess yesterday when I said that, there was some sort of rule or universal law against me sleeping in past 5:30, thought it was hilarious because today I woke up at 5. WTF?



So I cut up a left over half of cantelope to take with me to work as my morning snack. Defrosted some shrimp as my metabolic starter and then sat back and relaxed for about an hour til it was time to get ready for work.



I once again packed my lunch, todays lunch was the leftover salad I had made with 2 tbs of ranch kept in a separate container. (because I didn’t want my salad to get soggy) and about 2 handfuls of baby carrots.



I wish I had some chicken left over from yesterday. It was so good. I used one of our brand new stainless steel pans and put about 2 tbs of oil on the bottom the pan, grabed two pieces of chicken, rubbed them in the oil, then lightly seasoned them with fresh cracked pepper, garlic salt, parsely, lemon peper, a hint of basil, celery salt, a dash of garlic powder and some celery flakes and plain old seasoning salt. It wasn’t over seasoned at all and everything complemented each other very well. I also cut an avocado into slices and shared with my hubby. We also made some rice because we thought that wouldn’t be enough to fill both of us, but we were wrong. What I did with my dinner was have a plate of salad with the avocado on top then I took a small bowl, filled it up with rice, sliced my chicken and put it on top and then poured some of the oil from the pan on top, just about 1 tbs worth to make sure I get my 2 tbs a day. (according to weight watchers, you should consume 2 tbs of any type of oil (not like deep fried oil) a day to help you digest easily and to prevent any um bathroom issues) any ways it was very good. Josh deciede what he was gonna do was use a high fiber wrap, place the salad on it, he also shreaded his chicken, then put the avocado on it and then he put his blue cheese salad dressing on it, wrapped it up and ate it, he had a small bowl or rice also, but his was plain.



One of my hubbys favorite snacks is the high fiber wraps, some bag salad mix, some salsa and then he wraps it and eats it. To him it is very yummy, to me, not so much. I hate tomattos. Cant stand them, had a very tramadic experience when I was a little kid and haven’t had them since if I can help it. Don’t get me wrong, I love pasta sauce, ketchup pretty much any byproduct, but not raw, not salsa and not in chunks on top of my pizza!

So tonight is going to be a test of the april dieting system. I need to go out to Antioch to do my taxes tonight, normally when I do I go to my moms and have dinner or we pickup dinner on our way back home. This will be my first test with the fast food since I started dieting again. We shall see how it turns out and I will keep you posted. My lunch break is officially over so I gotta get back to work. I will update when I get home.

Dinner was good. I ended up getting panda express. honey walnut shrimp and rice. so yummy.

Sorry about the delay, I feel asleep as soon as i got home. :(

thanks for reading,
-the fat girl trying